Thursday, 31 August 2023

Ordinary Locations

Shark’s Mouth Lagoon: It’s in the coastal beaches next to the Ash Grey mountains.
Thunder Valley: it’s both near the beaches and being closer to the Ash Grey Mountains than to the Thunder Mountains.
Ash Grey Mountains: two greyed, deforested mountains sitting on top of the Thunder valley alongside the coast.
Thunder Mountains: The Thunder mountains are near the lake of the rocks rather than near the thunder valley.
Snake’s Mouth Lagoon: It’s where Tarzan has swum since childhood.
Coiled Snake Valley: Coiled snake valley is near the snake’s mouth lagoon.
Thunder Valley: The thunder valley is where Sheeta lives.
Mandrill Gorge: Mandrill gorge is between both the Ash Dark mountains and the Snake’s mouth lagoon.
Reedy Lake:
Mandrill Valley: Mandrill valley has a prominent mandrill community, which explains why Manu the mandrill is from there.
Lake of the Rocks: the Conkouati Douli Triangle Islands are on this thin lake.
Ash Dark Mountains: three large, heavily mined mountains in the midst of Mayombe.
Misty Lagoon: It’s somewhere near the night canyon on the toothy mountains.
Mandrill Canyon: the Mandrill Canyon with its fabulous waterfall is near the snake’s mouth lagoon. 
DragonFoot Villages: 
Night Canyon: the night canyon is where the misty lagoon is located. 
Toothy Mountains: two decaying, heavily mined mountains sitting alongside the misty lagoon in the night canyon.
Conkouati Douli Triangle Islands: a riverine island archipelago in the lake of the rocks, known as the adoptive home of Tarzan.

Kahr in general: Kahr is a stabler but otherwise still hidden land, which used to compete with the all too wretched Opar and its vassals and survived their inevitable downfall.
The Hidden kingdom of Kahr: Kahr is a dead city now inhabited by elven creatures called Kahrans.
Karam: The capital city of Kahr.

Wednesday, 30 August 2023

Korak and Tarzan episodes

The Rise of Korak
Korak’s Awakening Tarzan finds a son! 
Korak meets Akut 
A stranger, Jeanne Meriem, gets kidnapped 
The stranding of Korak 
Korak meets a stranger, Jeannette Meriem
Korak in the Wizardry Bedlam

The Forbidden City of Ashair
Tarzan in Loango 
Come Into the Deck! 
The Drums from Afar 
The Mangani Bogans 
Lupe Leads the Way 
Tarzan and the Throne Room
Herkuf’s Surprise
Tarzan and the Mysterious Caves 
Tarzan and the Temple of Horus
The Unsettling Reveal of Fake Jewellery

The Road To Opar! 
Tarzan’s Journey to Opar 
Tarzan in the Altar of the Flaming God 
Tarzan escapes from Opar
Tarzan returns to BeastHood
Tarzan leads the Mangani Again! 
Jane and the Hidden Mayombe Jungle Beasts 
Tarzan Triumphs! 

The Ascendance of Korak 
Kidnapped by Pirates! 
Jeanne Meriem Encounters More Strangers 
Jeanne Meriem meets Morton Bynes 
Korak and the Merchant
Jeanne Meriem and Korak Come Back Together

Tuesday, 29 August 2023

Disney reboot Villains

Reboot villains 

Kahr-Tohr  

Sahkea - Sahkea has all the damn body parts that a Tohran queen has. She is also a commonly unfeeling entity that doesn't speak much English at all. The reason why she never speaks much English at all is that her speech patterns are surprisingly irregular.

Rimoni - Ahkea’s daughter, who technically belongs to her pride of lions because Ahkea herself would remain supreme ruler for so long. She is 21 when her mum dies being eaten by her.   

Achinga - It shall be noted that Achinga is an anti-villainess, known for being one of the few recurring antagonists. It shall be said that she’s of the Greek chorus maidens from Kahr-Tohr.

Naranee - Naranee is perhaps one of the most popular people in Kahr-Tohr. She is a Kahran with weapons who does sacrifices on anyone she’ll meet. 








Monday, 28 August 2023

Disney Reboot Recurring Allies

Allies of Tarzan 

Amicable Former Love Interests

Ruby and Co 
Ruby Smith - Ruby Smith is a fellow castaway and zoologist, who has lived in the jungle alongside the gorillas, since her father died protecting them from loggers. 
Jeremy Smith - The late father of Ruby Smith, who happened to be a shipwrecked by a rip roaring attack from the waves in a shipping disaster which stranded them into the jungle. 

Linda and her friends
Nell McKnight -
Olivia Greenly - Olivia Greenly 
Linda Reed - Linda Reed is most likely from a rather dysfunctional family, having long been estranged from both her well meaning outlaw father Dewey Reed and his surviving (if more unattractive) younger brother Parry ‘The Snitch’ Reed. 
Jason ‘Boy’ Reed - Jason ‘Boy’ Reed is a nephew of Linda Reed, whose father and mother have died in a boat crash. 

Other Allies 
Nevin Beamish Potter - Nevin is one of the cheeky young adults in a badly done expedition that pretty much led to both Jimmy and Robin Doyle being kidnapped by a Sea Mangani. 
Sydney Featherstone - Inquisitive preteen girl Sydney was introduced to Tarzan because her dad, a well meaning captain, shoved her off into the hidden jungle. She is Sam’s plucky if somewhat vulnerable younger sister. 
Sam Featherstone - Sydney’s sympathetic but sometimes drunk older brother, who happens to have partied a bit too hard. 
Captain David Featherstone - Captain David Featherstone is the rather overworked and distant but well meaning father of Sydney and Sam Featherstone, who just had to drop them out semi-permanently due to being more of an introducer for would be British Isles immigrants to Southern Africa.
Sarah Lyle Holt - Hieronymus’ newlywed wife who happens to be a half nude spy working alone.
Hieronymus Holt - Hieronymus, who is Scottish on his estranged dad’s side and thus taking the surname of his mother instead, is a sly estate agent formerly working for boorish yet gullible poachers who did not know that their boss was dunking three of them.

The Durhams 
Margaret Durham - Margaret first met Tarzan when she was out camping with fellow ladies and guys in the search for Jimmy and Robin Doyle. She seems to revisit both her father and younger sisters after a few weeks of sojourn from a suburb of London where they all used to live.  


Colin Durham - Margaret’s reporter father, who also lives with Vivienne and Sheila in the jungle. 
Gwendolyn Durham - Margaret’s somewhat sickly mother who works at an old and smoggy London fashion factory.  
Sheila Durham - Margaret’s youngest sister, who dares to explorers new places with zest.
Vivienne Durham - Margaret’s middle sister, who happens to be an anthropologist in training. 

The Parkers
James Parker - Essentially the bearded English guy whom Tarzan met before Archimedes Quincy Porter came along. Though he is actually younger than Archimedes, he’s had a rough life so he has aged somewhat fast. Anyways, he still remains a joyfully quirky scientist who dearly loves jungle wildlife in general.  
Nicola Brennan Parker - Vera Jane’s busybody older sister who is the first person from an investigative expedition to appear. 
Ray Eric Parker - Ray Eric Parker was a part-Welshman from England, even though his wife was an Irish Catholic living in Bristol. 
Ashley Brennan Parker - Vera Jane’s auburn haired mother who died battling loggers and pirates. 
Isabelle Brennan Parker - Vera’s middle sister who is a hazel eyed brunette. 
Vera Jane Brennan Parker - Youngest child and 3rd daughter of Ashley and Ray Parker. She has two sisters, Isabelle and Nicola.



The Rowley family
Ian Rowley - Ian is a brash teenage boy learning how to survive in the wild and would meet Tarzan in a swinging contest. He has blue eyes and dark blonde hair, and has survived a terrible shipwreck which left him and his parents lost in the wild. 
Cristina Rowley - Cristina survives an embarrassing ordeal with the greedy Sea Mangani chieftain and finds out that her son meets Tarzan in a swinging contest, so that both are reunited together.


The Doyles 
Jimmy Doyle - Jimmy Doyle is a geologist who’s trying to find out where the mysterious 
Robin Doyle - Robin, who has studied villagers before Mr. Baldocchi ruined parts of their village, is the middle aged wife of a geologist who was kidnapped by a greedy Sea Mangani, who imprisons him along with her in a cave. Nonetheless, her nephew Ricky is still happy that he’ll be reunited with both uncle and aunt soon. 
Ricky Doyle - Ricky is the Ginger nephew of Robin Doyle, who happens to be about eleven years old in his first appearance but grows older throughout the saga. 

Liz and her friends 
Diana Brent - Diana Brent, a dorky schoolteacher, is one of the abductees who escaped an army of Sea Mangani pirates. 
Liz - Liz is a heroine in her own right. She is smart and pretty classy as a young character in a world full of dangers. 




Brad Hobbes - Brad first appears as a 12 year old green eyed, light brunette boy whose parents have been abducted. 
Erik Brunel - Erik Brunel makes his first appearance as a curly haired teenage boy being abducted by a Sea Mangani along with friends Brad and Liz. 
Jason Archibald Taft - Another one of the stranded youths.

Sue Ellen and fellows
Sue Ellen Jones - 
Stella - 
Helena Mae Keane -
Evelyn - 

Sunday, 27 August 2023

Looters Alive!

A semi-remake screenplay containing brand new dialogue not heard of in the original tv episodes which spawned it. 

While writing about his growing fascination with jungle wildlife, James Parker gets muddied over by a grumpy gorilla named Muyo, who in turn gets pestered and chased off by his daughter Terkina. Otherwise, he goes into the treehouse cafe to clean himself. 

James Parker - Oh My Gawd. I wonder why the hell are gorillas being drawn as if they’re looking like ogres? Such a thing may itself become a travesty within a few decades. 

Linda Reed - Oh really, James? You seem to ramble about wild animals, aren’t you? 

Mercy Hudson - Some locals of the jungle have been making folktales about apes (referring to just gorillas and chimps) and other animals for centuries. 

(Tarzan intro ‘Two Worlds’ by Millane Fernandez and Chris Madin) 

Since his friends have been spooked off by a leopard before, no one can trust Snakehead.

Meanwhile, a former pirate named Demauzer tells his less trustworthy friends about the gorilla he unwillingly killed for bushmeat. To remind the dudes of how powerful the black market can be, he asks about what it’s like to be a mere lout in a sea of corruption.

Demauzer - I have turned an old gorilla into bushmeat by killing her, and such an event has somewhat fucked up my frigging mind for days. Then again, we’re young ex-pirates who do our best to survive the worst of times. Where are we doing down there? 

Meanwhile, Sheeta the Panther chomps on an old duiker who likely has died of natural causes while minding his business, which is likely because she merely thinks Woro was a deadbeat Dirtbag! 

7 minutes to 28 minutes 

Tarzan wakes up in a flimsy pup tent and reminds himself of the dangers he still faces. 

He then tells a bunch of gruff and distrustful gorilla strangers (including Muyo) of the good news that Demauzer, the former pirate who unwillingly turned Terkina’s mother into bushmeat, has to retire for good, taking care of his own dying mother and father. 

Muyo - ‘Although my wife Marcia has died in such an untimely situation; we’re just gorillas so we don’t understand what comes from the crappy yellow journalism style gossip filled hype machine, something which truly and horribly mocks us as supposedly hyper aggro animals.’ 

Terkina - 

He’s been rummaging and crafting a bunch of things before; a big spear and a little spear, a hand axe and a quiver, a survival knife and a sling, a bow and a bunch of arrows, plus various other weapons on his disposal. Unfortunately, he simply can’t have all of them anymore. Instead he has to trade off both the little spear and sling to a new neighbour named Vera, who already is a knife nut to begin with. 

Tarzan - Where are you, fucking varnish monkeys! You’re going to be flunked by the mighty banana bender as soon as I’m back home. 







Saturday, 26 August 2023

Disney reboot Animals

The Animals

The Gorillas 
Marla - Marla was a brave old soul who went on to survive her husband Matt’s untimely trample by a hippo, before also dying at the maws of the same hippo who killed her husband a few years before. Sometimes she has to quarrel and fight with her estranged husband Matt to get things done though. 
Matt - Somewhat outspoken and emotionally overcharged if rather sternly vulnerable Matt would die at the maws of a chaotic neutral hippo, who went mad and trampled him down as a result. 
Flynt - Flynt is a frank and outspoken gorilla who still doesn’t mind telling jokes every now and then. Nonetheless, he is the awkward boyfriend and now bisexual husband of Terkina. 
Durk - Durk is one of Tarzan’s male animal friends besides Tantor the Forest elephant and Manu the mandrill.
Muyo - Muyo was harassed and bitten by Gerla, which meant that he had to leave her behind in order to become a vagrant along with his wife Marcia, Terkina’s mum. He has survived Zugor’s death by a crocodile.
Gerla - Gerla was perhaps a part time cannibal gorilla who cheated upon her vagrant husband Gortak, which may explain why Flynt and his uncle Utor are shown as the skeptical and jaded but brutally honest good guys they would become in their adulthoods. 
Terkina (Terk) - Terk is more than a bestie, she’s a worthy ally of Tarzan and a slyly thoughtful friend. 
Marcia - The otherwise deadbeat Marcia died at the hands of a menacing pirate who unwillingly turned her into pricey bushmeat. 
Zugor - Zugor was Marla’s estranged dad, who helped Tarzan survive his critter conflict attack, but sadly died at the maws of a menacing crocodile. 
Utor - Utor is Gortak’s goofy yet rowdy older brother and Flynt’s somewhat dimwitted paternal uncle. 
Kagor - Kagor is Terkina’s vagrant uncle, who seems to be a rather aggressive and lonesome gorilla whose main regular company is his deadbeat older sister Marcia, who does care for him.
Verona - Verona was a female gorilla older than her little brother Flynt, as suggested by her being the first kid of a rather messed up family which involved wife-on-husband sexual and physical harassment. 
Bonnie - Bonnie is Durk’s girlfriend and later wife, who seems pretty stubborn for her rather modest size but does care for both her similarly mature fellow and their son.   
Gortak - Gortak turns out to be a dastardly gorilla who abandoned his friends and banished himself into the deeper wild following his well meant estrangement from Gerla. Making things sadder, Gerla turned out to be such a murderously horrible wife and mum that maybe it’s not surprising when it turns out that both Flynt and his uncle Utor are quite the skeptical and rather jaded, yet still goofy good guys in their adulthoods. 
Dombie - Dombie, a skinny but punky, physically scarred gorilla whose real name is Dominic, seems to be the first of 3 kids in a gorilla community born after Terkina. He’s still a friendly rival of Rex even though they’re now estranged from an aggro and more unkempt Bruce. 
Rex - Rex is Terkina’s younger brother, a chubby and shaggy yet good natured gorilla who happens to be a reluctant guest during Terkina and Flynt’s ‘wedding day’.  
Bruce - As an estranged friend of both Dombie and Rex, the shaggy yet sharp fanged Bruce remains the best man for the wedding of both Flynt and Terkina. He is named for the late Bruce Bennett, also known as Herman Brix. 
Gordon - Named for Gordon Scott, Gordon is the shy, somewhat nervous young gorilla who just keeps himself out of the spotlight for the most part, as he likes to rest with his mother Bonnie and father Durk. Still, he is friends with two unrelated young gorillas, grumpy Hulbert and nerdy Jim. 
Hulbert - Hulbert is more than a shaggy middleweight but also a stubborn, perhaps even naughty young gorilla who sometimes pesters his mother by riding on her back. He is named for Edgar Rice Burroughs’s son Hulbert.
Jim - Jim is a thoughtfully nerdy, slender young gorilla who is friends with both Gordon and Hulbert, and is named for voice actor Jim Bennett. 

The Pigeons 
Arina - Arina is a smart yet goofy African green pigeon who lives next door to Tantor. She is a nomad who sometimes cameos in many places just like Preek the Stanger’s squirrel. 

The Red River Hogs
Horta - Horta is a moody but matronly and down to earth bush pig, whose son is a jokester with a knack for funny answers.
Bricky - Named for how blocky his body is, Bricky is a playful bush pig jokester who’s the third of six piglets living with their mother Horta. 

The Talapoins
Mitch - Mitch is an inquisitive bush monkey known for annoying the hell out of the apemen and other animals, especially Keeka and Taoug. 

The Leopards
Borda - Borda was a leopardess who had to survive fellow leopard attacks, chomping off the remains of both gorillas and others alike. She died trying to protect herself and Smak from another leopard named Woro, who in turn was killed by Tarzan. 
Smak - Smak is the old son of Borda, who now has sired two cubs, Sheeta and Zander. 
Woro (dead) - Woro was a magnificent bastard of a leopard, who himself killed poor old Borda while she’s trying to protect herself. 
Sheeta - Along with her tomboy daughter Shiv, Sheeta is a brownish spotted leopardess reluctantly but sympathetically rescued by Tarzan, while running away from the Agro-loggers who destroyed a lot of her garden territory. She now luckily lives in the Kokino swamp where Akut and his friends were stranded upon. 
Shiv - Shiv, aka Siobhan, is Sheeta’s jaded and grumpy tomboy daughter, who first appears as a female cub but grows older throughout the story and its sequels.  
Zander - Zander is a melanistic leopard, who is Sheeta’s annoying but playful younger brother with a rougher relationship towards Tarzan than other neutral characters. 

The Elephants 
Tantor - Tantor is one of Tarzan’s best friends, who happens to be a flatulent, bossy and moody forest elephant who now turns his life around after a childhood of being dismissed, neglected and not preferred by his own mother, who would ironically be shot to death by ivory hunters when Tantor himself was a preteen. Still, he has somewhat permanent trauma coming from his preteen years, made obvious by the fact that much of his herd (including both his mum and estranged dad) is gone thanks to agro-loggers.
Ulahee - Ulahee is Tantor’s plucky, goofy class clown of a niece, who at least bravely keeps Dania company when both are on the run from loggers. 
Dania - Tantor’s rather unkempt but cool mannered older sister. 
Vince - Vince is a middle aged bull forest elephant who sometimes doesn’t care about everybody’s feelings, although he does fear a nastier antagonist once in a while.
Tantor Senior (minor, dead) - Tantor’s vagrant maternal grandfather, who did love his daughter Jill but was a workaholic who felt estranged by his daughter’s dysfunctional parenting of Tantor and his sister Dania. 
Jill (minor, dead) - Tantor’s obnoxious and somewhat neglectful mother, whose relatively dysfunctional and increasingly estranged relationship with her kids might’ve partially led to her being poached by Tom Lawley when both were growing up. 
Boris (minor, dead) - Boris was Tantor’s distant, moody and emotionally vulnerable dad who did his best to survive against all odds until, one day, he was poached and then turned into bushmeat by Tom Lawley. 

The Lions 
Sabor - Sabor made her first appearance as a nomadic old lioness who reluctantly chased Tarzan without success before snacking instead on a few of Neeta’s remains (after all, she’s a part time scavenger). 
Numa - Sabor’s snobbish but ageing husband, who also met the same fate as his mate and wife at the hands of Tarzan. 
Jad Bal Ja - Though Jada is his real name, he is better known by being nicknamed Jad Bal Ja due to Tarzan being a friend and mentor to him when they first met.  

The Chimpanzees 
Throg - The otherwise low-ranking Throg is a rather arrogant, overconfident chimpanzee who likes to make a bloody ruckus, smashing four fellow rivals and harassing two female chimps on a single occasion. Nonetheless, despite being an immature guy, even he has a few lines not to cross, such as seeing Klunk’s mother harassing her son on a whim. 
Luki - Luki is Throg’s similarly cunning younger sister, who’s unpleasant when not in a good mood, although to be fair, she’s still somewhat traumatised by many events surrounding Klunk and his own messed up family, such as her younger neighbour Koki being killed by Klunk himself. 
Koki - Koki was a young chimp ripped and mauled by the despicably obnoxious Klunk, a cunning villain whose sociopathic father’s overall infamy outshines his own. 
Klunk - Though chimps are wild animals, Klunk may as well be a repulsive chimp disliked by much of his community, but is known to have been somewhat neglected by his own distant and careless but mentally vulnerable mother who ran away from his slier, more despicable father. 
Christy - Christy can be moody and stubborn, although she happens to be the fun loving goofball of her own mid-ranking family. Otherwise, she’s brave and smart enough to bring the senses back into Throg, one of her arrogant bullies who later becomes her own reluctant boyfriend. Tellingly, she also dislikes seeing Klunk’s sociopathic father killing all his rivals in a political spree. 

The Squirrels 
Preek - Preek is a Stanger’s Squirrel who sometimes cameos in various locations and gets comically awkward answers from Arina. 

The Guenons 
Kinto - Kinto was a funny Mona guenon monkey who lives next door to Terk and her family of fellow vagrant Gorillas. 
Yuka - Yuka is a blue guenon who lives next door to the hotel that Jarvis runs. 

The Honeyguides
Hunny - Hunny is a somewhat sly honeyguide who lives next door to Terkina and her family. 

The Other Monkeys 
Nkima - Nkima is a tantalus monkey whom Tarzan rescued after he moved into the jungle countryside. He and the other Tantalus monkeys would follow him around in case. 
Morgan - Morgan is 
Andy - Andy is a monkey who 
Chiko - Chiko is a Geoffroy’s spider monkey, who lives near a derelict jungle temple in the fictional equivalent of Guatemala, Central America. 


Saturday, 12 August 2023

Vera, James and Margaret

Even more interestingly, the Parkers may be appearing in the rebooted 3D CGI Disney version, but this time they are startlingly becoming more distinct as well. There are three significant characters with the surname Parker alone in the heroic bloodshed saga; the orphaned Vera and her late parents. The other main character bearing the surname may as well be her uncle James, since the older sisters Nicola and Isabelle appear less often but are still there. 

In order not to be confused with her inspiration, known as the ERBU canon Jane Porter, Disney’s older dated version of Jane, generally known to fans of all the older Disney works, will be renamed Linda Reed, and that’s because she’s still a frigging compelling character. One of the main differences from Vera Parker and her two sisters is that the similarly nouveau riche Linda Reed has a rather more dysfunctional family to boot, as both her father and uncle were bootleggers of fashion dupes. Her friend is another ruddy brunette named Ruby Smith. 

In fairness, she is James Parker’s cool art student in the soft remake-soft reboot reimagining, and to match her wits, James himself has the cool manner of a quirky yet firm scientist - or more exactly an ethnologist. It also has helped a lot that the ultimate inspiration for James’ current design was from the Tarzan comics by Joe Kubert of all people!
 
Even when Vera does appear, she’ll get crafty and still be pizazz. Also helping is that she’ll also be voiced by a hip Irish actress whom I love to dream about, Hazel Doupe, whose voice may fit her quite well. Her bra and loincloth will be coloured in a very dark greenish brown, mostly as a tribute to Maureen O’Sullivan’s impactful performance. 

Friday, 11 August 2023

Some Answers for the Disney Reboot

It is pretty fascinating that the first Disney’s Tarzan movie instalment surely needs more answers when it gets rebooted wholesale into a mildly rated R tv series. 

Does Tarzan have an American-ish accent? It is much more likely that he got it from his dad, who was a likely mixed race expat from the Caribbean living in Bristol with his stubborn wife. We’ve got strong clues that his dad is a descendant of both emancipated white and black (mainly Niger Congo) slaves. 

What did Zugor do after the events of OG Tarzan 2? Zugor,m seems to be seldom used because Disney as a business doesn’t think he’s canon to the first Disney’s Tarzan movie either. Maybe that’s why I have to draw poor Zugor dying in a single crocodile’s pair of maws. 

Did Tarzan first see a blonde Canadian agent and the pirates who killed her before he would even see anyone else? It is sadly too likely that, even if it’s shown, such a scene may as well be based on a short Jungle Tales of Tarzan-period story by ERB which has only been recently coauthored by him and Michael Tierney, who released it to the public as a result. 

Why did Tarzan steal a lot of relics from a prison run by cronies? 

Thursday, 10 August 2023

Meriem the Great

Meriem is probably the most influential recurring character in the Tarzan brand’s history due to having inspired various expies from films and other media. 

She is sassy as hell since even her otherwise troubled childhood isn’t as downright horrific as that of Korak’s own. Good on her! 

Even in recent decades, she is sometimes mistaken for being mixed race and/or less commonly (yet also mistakenly) depicted as a browner skinned mixed-race girl, because women of multiple ethnic groups love to cosplay as their favourite characters regardless of skin colour. However, there are fairer haired versions of her as well, but aren’t as commonly shown due to being much more inaccurate than the rest. 

And so the canonical Meriem, who clearly is French AF, turns out to have just two greyish eyes and slightly wavy black hair with bangs at the front. Ohh well, it’s probably a sign that she could as well be a distant cousin of her own husband Korak at this point.  

Still, we can have as many Meriem variants as we like, because all the published ERB stories are now in most public domains around the world. 

Wednesday, 9 August 2023

Tarzan, Black Comedy and Survival Horror

The relationship between ERBU Canon Tarzan and most conventional examples of Survival Horror is a lot closer than what you’d normally imagine. Because the whole core Tarzan canon book series contains the utterly fascinating consequences of Canon Tarzan trying to survive even when wearing western clothes, it is the unlikely trope maker for survival horror as we now know today. However, it does have comedy elements, which pop up every now and then. 

(ERB Universe) Canon Tarzan also has a strong but rather dysfunctional relationship with Canon Jane Porter, partly due to their somewhat incompatible minds competing with each other as well as workplace kerfuffles. 

Tellingly, even though the normally civil Jane can be quite a bad mum (in a rather complicated way), she clearly showed some sympathy for Canon Korak and saw his potential before anyone would notice. She still might’ve shoved her son to get a look at a questionable circus, but poor Korak himself escaped from London due to such an unforgiving incident that came later and never looked back since. 

As for another example? The surviving Mangani have had enough and would rather move to the Pellucidar dimension, partly due to their tropical forest homes getting overexploited to the point of being gone within decades. 

Tuesday, 8 August 2023

Who cares about class?

My essay piece is here, since I’ve read enough rabbit holed book reads, multifaceted reviews, Reddit gossip, Quora surfs, Cracked columns, web clicks and Tv Tropes peeps to tell you the bigger picture. 

Bear in mind that Edgar Rice Burroughs’ chauvinistic values have thankfully been considered passé since before even WW2 was both in and out in the 1940s. But in his Master of Adventure book, Richard A. Lupoff had to admit that ERB was indeed beaten by Bomba the Jungle Boy’s authors in terms of values dissonance. That’s why I don’t care about class or caste when it comes to casting any available portrayer as Tarzan, Jane and others. 

Also according to Cracked columnist Andres Diplotti, the (book+comic canon) ERB parent brand counterpart of Disney’s Tarzan was the mind frying equivalent of radioactive spiders in the 1910s! Which explains why Disney’s Tarzan is already a different beast from him. 

What I do care about a bit more is that which actor or actress will have the badassery and dynamism to play a Tarzan character, which was also because ERB was both classist and casteist as hell even for his time, even though both the racism and sexism aren’t that bad in his books. 

Though he is likely ethnically mixed, Bobby Brazier will surely be the first British actor to officially play Hieronymus Holt in the history of the franchise and its parent brand, which is because the character is himself entering the public domain in America near the end of this decade. 

Monday, 7 August 2023

Tarzan’s Family

Tarzan - Born John Clayton Jr, his backstory involved him losing his dad to Kerchak’s cannibalistic raving whims and was raised subsequently by Kala, after she had to dump her toddler son away to be eaten by him. In his childhood, he made friends with kooky characters like Tantor, Durk, Flynt and Terkina, who still helped him win fights.* 

*Otherwise this Tarzan is quite different from his canonical ERBU (both comic and book based) parent brand counterpart. He mainly has only peak human strength as with most other versions. Also, he is becoming somehow wilder and grimmer in the soft remake-soft reboot project than he was in the original 3 movies and tv series, though he remains as kind to Jane as ever. A new twist reveal for the Disney soft remake-soft reboot type reimagining is that he’s the son of a crafty and buff but overworked Anglo noblewoman married to a lanky and classy, part-Caribbean nobleman, so he may still be revealed in turn as the paternal grandson of some Caribbean dame! 

Jane Porter - Jane survived her cancer ridden mother’s death when she was born in Baltimore, Maryland. Her scientist father (who’s both an archaeologist and a retired ordained minister) dared to let her survive by bottle feeding her with said mother’s frozen breastmilk until she reached two years old. Thus, as she’s long been working out even before meeting Tarzan, she is somewhat masculine despite having long hair. Still, her very first encounter with Tarzan was pretty sad, mostly due to Tarzan himself unintentionally harassing her out of both anger and well meant worry, as he’s a usually brave guy who’s just not in his right mind at a time when he saw the deaths of his many Mangani friends by Torkoz’s cannibalistic whims before that.*

*As with her ERB Universe canon counterpart, her adventures are somehow more similar to Indiana Jones rather than to Sheena. Although a full potential adaptation to her first meeting with Tarzan still remains an icky topic, it indeed can still be made without sexually horrific penetrative crimes since there’s a rising awareness of chauvinism issues faced by multiple genders, such as those of both bisexuals and bigenders. 

Tarzan’s parents 

John Clayton Sr. - Slim, lanky John Clayton Sr. lived a spying life in a world full of dangerous twits and mercenaries. Still, he deeply loved his buff but short wife Alice and their own son, soon to be named Tarzan. 

Alice Clayton - Alice was the wife of John Clayton Sr. and her maiden surname was Rutherford.

Tarzan’s Dad’s Parents  

Dorothy Clayton - 

Anthony Clayton - 

Tarzan’s children 

Korula - Korula is Tarzan’s adopted daughter, having been raised by him and Jane since she was a baby who survived a boat crash. 

John Jacobus ‘Jackie’ Clayton - Jackie is the son of Tarzan and Jane, who happens to be a youth who sometimes comes into the fray. He seems to be a nephew of Korak and Meriem. 

*Otherwise in the ERB Universe canon, he was the dead son of Korak and Meriem who did live in a Savannah as a kid at some point in his life before fighting in WW2 as a young man, which would cut his life rather short, albeit without a lifelong experience in exploring both the crazy and hectic jungles and their loveable if somewhat mysterious biodiversity of microhabitats. 

Cousins, Uncles and Aunts  

Cecil William Clayton - Cecil had a messy life which meant that he couldn’t live up to his paternal cousin’s reputation. His hair was blackish but his eyes were greyish brown, and yet his body was rather chubby. His somehow more overweight father William died by shooting himself, so he had to hastily ascend into viscountcy at the ripe old age of 19 years old, which explains why he basically died being SA’D after serving a pretty screwy few years as a Viscount Greystoke. 

William Anthony Clayton - Tarzan’s uncle who died by shooting himself not before his son Cecil William Clayton was even dead. It’s telling when anyone will notice that short lives were disaffecting the immediate Clayton household which meant that only Tarzan survived in the long run. 

Nephews and Nieces  

Dick Clayton Roller - Dick is Tarzan’s cousin, the son of a dark haired taxi driver married to one of Tarzan’s distant cousins. He is about 14 when he first appears. 

Their roommates and neighbours 

Emily Corwin - A blonde Part Time Governess for Jackie Clayton, Emily is a snooty Welsh woman. 

Jarvis -

Their family friends 

Esmeralda - The Critter Lover, Esmeralda is more than just a mammy archetype, she’s also a fascinating character who happens to be a middle aged latecomer minding Archimedes Quincy Porter’s business. 

Toby - Toby is Esmeralda’s newlywed husband. 

Rao Deshpande - As the tall Indian friend of Tarzan, Rao Deshpande is one of the best house bodyguards for him and his friends, and it helps that he’s a hotel owner by day, spy by night. 

Tao - Tarzan and Jane’s foundling, who came into their doorstep via a boat crash and is most likely Rao’s orphaned nephew. 

Paul D’Arnaud - A brave French Army general who is the straight man to Tarzan’s bigender (straight+bisexual) beastliness, as a result of them being fire forged friends. 

Hazel’s family

Dominic ‘Doc’ Edson - Doc is Dick’s cocky blonde paternal cousin, whose mother was a filthy fraternal twin of Dick’s mother. His father was likely an American who married Hazel Strong’s paternal aunt.  

Hazel Strong - Hazel Strong is Jane Porter’s plainer looking friend from her college days. 

Sir Conrad Tennant - Hazel Strong’s boyfriend and later husband. Still, he’s not from a family of more experienced nobility, but a newly ennobled peer. 






Sunday, 6 August 2023

Tarzan vs Kasamh Se

Let’s not forget that Kasamh Se is still a hilariously bad laugh riot because it’s so twisted even for its time of release. So much so that it broke all the records of editing in the history of not only Indian tv but also global tv as a whole, leading to it rightfully being mocked by legions of viewers (regardless of skin colour), both on the Internet and outside of it.* 

*Rather more interestingly, it’s (increasingly) known as a notoriously so bad it’s good scripted show in the countries where it does air as well, making it also a masterpiece on how not to make a soap opera aimed at youths, regardless of which nation where they live. 

Though the Tarzan brand canon is similar to it, in terms of how formulaic its plot can and will ever be, it’s much more obvious that it’s dimension-building triumphs over the rest, generally thanks to most Tarzan variants being much more shamelessly marketed, though not as downright full of gooning, in what’s now called the Hello Kitty style for at least fifty years, since the first Tarzan film was made. 

Saturday, 5 August 2023

Tarzan themed costumes and where to find them

Other than hardcore Tarzan hyper fans of all stripes, many of you people do not know that Tarzan merchandise was as ubiquitous as Pokemon merch, but largely from the 30s to the 60s. 

Some of the first Tarzan costumes were made as unofficial merch for both the silent films+serials, but might’ve declined in numbers to the point of becoming binned out. This meant that Tarzan themed costumes would arrive into what are now tropical themed Halloween events, with the Johnny Weissmuller films and their competitors arriving onto many world cinemas in the 1930s onward. 

In my Mexican born Nanna’s day, there used to be Tarzan themed pith helmets and weapons, associated rather unfortunately with upper class Brits’ over-preference of and unexpectedly being puppeteered by top ranking East African chiefs over the rest, which means they have long been replaced with low quality but otherwise official ERB branded clothes instead. 

Rather tellingly, this means a huge majority of Tarzan themed clothes are now unofficial once again and not to be branded with the ERB trademark anymore, which is for legal reasons beyond a casual fan’s control. 


The ahead of time and relevant tradition of a Tarzan and his adopted kids needs more vindication than ever!

Dear Disney’s Tarzan fans, I think it’s still for the best that Disney’s Tarzan needs to have an unrelated adopted kid first, which is perha...