Archive Panic Alert!

Be careful of what you really wish for in terms of fan sanity. Archive Panic Alert! 

ERB Universe Canon John Tarzan Clayton, is an unhyphenated nightmare of a literal apeman, on a level of scariness not unlike that of Kengan Ashura, Baki, Akame Ga Kill and many others. His son, ERB Universe Canon Jack Korak Clayton, is also a freaking square giant with a messed up life not unlike the Egyptian pantheon’s main stars. His grandson, ERB Universe Canon Jackie Clayton, was a blip in people’s eyes and went kaput in WW2, so he’s the most extreme Cousin Oliver example of all time. 

ERB Universe Canon John Tarzan’s wife, ERB Universe Canon Jane Porter Clayton, is a master archaeologist on par with Indiana Jones, with two One Piece breasts and a big Baki butt. She’s a masterful mind who survives a lot of mishaps, warts and all. ERB Universe Canon Jack Korak’s wife, ERB Universe Canon Jeanne Meriem Jacot Clayton, is a square jungle queen with two One Piece breasts and a big Baki butt. Her life is still more tortured than ERB Universe Canon Jane’s, just not as terrible as ERB Universe Canon Jack Korak’s for that matter. ERB Universe Canon Jack Korak’s daughter, ERB Universe Canon Suzanne Clayton, is a true dimensional hopper, with two One Piece breasts and a big Baki butt. She’s like the great Future Trunks of Dragon Ball, that’s all.  

This is why the ERB Universe Canon is perhaps so out of whack, which means that it’s a mind screw on par with Neon Genesis Evangelion. No wonder why many of us prefer more evenly proportioned and balanced versions of Tarzan and his fam.